Wednesday, November 30, 2011

motherhood: a glimpse into mental illness



"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  
She never existed before.  
The woman existed, but the mother, never.  
A mother is something absolutely new."  
~Rajneesh


I didn't anticipate running the gamut of emotions daily when I found out I was going to have a baby.  I expected the sleeplessness, the constant mess, the influx of animated movies into my home, and playing second fiddle for the rest of my life.  But I didn't expect to be constantly overwhelmed.

Being a mother is the most wonderful title I have ever, and will ever, hold.  It is also the most maddening, frustrating, and thankless job I've ever had.  I understand now why some animals eat their young.  I also understand why my own mother "hated" me from ages 12-18....and to be honest, it probably would've lasted longer had I not moved out.  (Of course, she didn't hate me, but my smart mouth and disregard for rules probably is the reason for her high blood pressure today)

I have never felt so accomplished and so worthless.  I have never been more tolerant, and never more unforgiving.  Little things can send me into an hours-long anxiety attack.   Big things can send me into an hours-long anxiety attack.

It's this kind of crazy that I'm so blessed to have in my life.  Thank you, Alaina, for making your mama nuts.

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